Why ‘thinking positive’ may not be so helpful

We’ve all heard the advice: “Just think positive!”

It’s plastered all over social media, sold in self-help books, and well-meaning friends love to dish it out when you’re struggling. Maybe you have tried to ‘think positive’ when feeling stressed, anxious or in pain. And its true that for everyday stress, shifting your mindset can help. But when you’ve experienced trauma, when your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, “thinking positive” doesn’t just not work—it can actually make things worse.

Why? Because trauma lives in the body, not the mind

If you’ve experienced trauma—whether it’s childhood wounds, ongoing stress, or a single overwhelming event—you’re not just dealing with difficult memories. Trauma changes your brain and body. It rewires your nervous system to stay on high alert, keeping you stuck in survival states like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

And when your nervous system is dysregulated, simply “thinking positive” won’t flip the switch back to calm and safety. Here’s why:

Your limbic brain hijacks your prefrontal cortex

Your brain is wired for survival. The limbic system, which includes the amygdala (your fear centre), the hippocampus (your memory processor), and the hypothalamus (your stress-response manager), is in charge of detecting danger and keeping you alive.

When it senses a threat—real or perceived—it hijacks the rational part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex. That’s why, in moments of stress, it can feel impossible to “just think rationally” or “choose happy thoughts.” Your brain is prioritising survival, not logic.

And here’s the thing: Trauma can cause your limbic system to become overactive, meaning it’s more likely to sound the alarm, even when you’re actually safe. That’s why you might feel anxious in situations that don’t seem logically threatening, or why you can’t “just move on” from the past. Your body and brain are still stuck in a loop of protection.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn: How trauma shapes your reactions

If you’re stuck in a trauma response, your nervous system is running the show. And no amount of positive thinking will override it until you address what’s happening in your body. Here’s how these responses show up:

• Fight: You feel irritable, angry, or on edge. You might lash out, get defensive, or feel like you have to control everything.

• Flight: You feel anxious, restless, and overwhelmed. You stay busy to avoid feeling your emotions, or you always feel the need to escape.

• Freeze: You feel numb, disconnected, or shut down. You might struggle to make decisions, feel stuck, or find it hard to take action.

• Fawn: You people-please, avoid conflict, and struggle with boundaries. You prioritise others’ needs over your own, often at your own expense.

These responses aren’t conscious choices—they’re automatic survival strategies your nervous system has learned to keep you safe.

Why “positive thinking” can backfire

When someone tells you to “just think positive” while you’re stuck in survival mode, it can actually make you feel worse. Here’s why:

1. It creates more shame

If you try to force yourself to think positive but your body is still stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, you might end up feeling like there’s something wrong with you. “Why can’t I just be grateful? Why do I still feel anxious/depressed/stuck?”

The truth is, your nervous system isn’t broken—it’s doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you safe. But forcing positivity can make you feel like a failure when you don’t “snap out of it.”

2. It ignores the body’s role in healing

Trauma isn’t just a collection of bad thoughts—it’s stored in your body. If your nervous system is dysregulated, simply changing your thoughts won’t be enough. You need to work with your body to create a felt sense of safety first.

3. It Can trigger a trauma response

If your body is still holding onto past fear, forcing yourself to “just think happy” can feel like gaslighting yourself. It’s like putting a fresh coat of paint over a cracked foundation—it doesn’t fix the underlying issue, and eventually, the cracks will show through.

So, what actually works?

Instead of trying to force positive thinking, focus on regulating your nervous system and creating real, embodied safety. Here’s what you can do instead:

1. Validate your feelings

Instead of pushing away your emotions with positivity, acknowledge them. Try saying:

• “I will give myself understanding and compassion”

• “My nervous system is responding to past experiences.”

• “I don’t have to rush my healing.”

Self-compassion is key here. Your responses are not flaws—they’re adaptations to what you’ve been through.

2. Engage in body-based practices

Since trauma lives in the body, healing has to involve the body too. Try:

• TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises): Helps release stored stress and tension.

• Breathwork: Slow, deep breathing signals safety to your nervous system.

• Grounding exercises: Bring yourself back to the present moment using present moment sensory awareness.

• Yoga or movement: Helps reconnect you to your body and process stored emotions.

3. Focus on safety, not positivity

Before your brain can access logical thinking or positive perspectives, your body needs to feel safe. Ask yourself:

• “What would make me feel just a little safer right now?”

• “How can I bring comfort to my body?”

It might be wrapping yourself in a blanket, sitting in a quiet room, or pressing your feet into the floor. Small moments of safety add up over time.

4. Work with your nervous system, not against it

Understanding Polyvagal Theory can help here. Your vagus nerve plays a huge role in regulating your nervous system, shifting you from survival mode into a state of calm and connection. Practices like:

• Humming or singing

• Gentle rocking or swaying

• Cold water on your face

These simple actions can stimulate the vagus nerve and help bring your system back to a regulated state.

5. Seek trauma informed support

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Finding a therapist, coach, or guide who understands nervous system regulation can make all the difference. Cognitive Hypnotherapy, TRE, and other somatic approaches can help you move out of survival mode and into a state where positive thinking actually becomes possible—because your body feels safe enough to believe it.

Working in a way that supports your nervous system

If you’ve ever felt like “thinking positive” just isn’t working for you, you’re not alone. Trauma isn’t something you can think your way out of. But by working with your nervous system, building a sense of safety in your body, and finding tools that actually support your healing, you can move toward genuine peace and resilience—without forcing fake positivity along the way.

If you’re ready to explore how to heal in a way that actually works for your nervous system, why not book a free call? We can chat about where you are and what support might be helpful for you. Because real healing isn’t about pretending to be happy—it’s about feeling truly safe, connected, and at home in yourself.