How to live a life driven by your values, not your fears
Do you ever find yourself holding back from things you want to do, simply because fear is whispering (or shouting) in your ear? Maybe you’re staying in a job that drains you because the thought of change is too overwhelming. Or perhaps you avoid speaking up for yourself because you’re scared of confrontation. Living a life dictated by fear can feel small, stifling, and unfulfilling. And this sense of fear can keep your nervous system stuck in a low grade fight- flight response- not great for your health.
But what if you flipped the script? What if, instead of letting fear lead, you made decisions based on your values? Living this way can bring clarity, purpose, and a deep sense of fulfillment. It will also allow a sense of safety to permeate your body, as you know you are being guided by your truth- this means you are far less likely to second- guess your decisions, or to succumb to placing more importance on what other’s think than on your own judgments and assessments. But how you you do that? Lets explore that process.
What Are Values, and Why Do They Matter?
Values are the guiding principles that give your life meaning and direction. They represent what truly matters to you at your core. When you live in alignment with your values, you feel authentic, energised, on the right path for you, and connected to your unique sense of purpose.
Some examples of values might include:
Creativity
Honesty
Compassion
Kindness
Adventure
Growth
Connection
Everyone's values are unique. When you identify and honour yours, you create a roadmap for living a life that feels right for you—not one dictated by societal expectations or unconscious fears.
How Fear Gets in the Way
Fear isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it has an important role: to protect us from danger. But fear can also become an overzealous bodyguard, waving red flags where none are needed.
Common fears that hold people back include:
Fear of failure
Fear of judgment
Fear of rejection
Fear of uncertainty
Fear of pain
The problem is, when you let fear take the driver's seat, you often make choices that don’t reflect who you really are or what you want. This can lead to frustration, dissatisfaction, and a lingering sense that something is missing.
Identifying Your Core Values
So how do you uncover your core values? Here are some steps to help:
1. Reflect on Peak Experiences: Think about moments in your life when you felt truly alive, proud, and fulfilled. What values were present in those moments?
2. Consider What Angers You: Sometimes our frustrations reveal what we care about most. For example, if dishonesty really bothers you, perhaps honesty is a core value.
3. Notice Patterns: Look for recurring themes in your relationships, career, and hobbies. What values keep showing up?
4. Ask Yourself Thought-Provoking Questions:
What kind of person do I want to be?
How do I want to treat others?
What legacy do I want to leave behind?
Write down your answers and see which words or themes stand out. These are likely your core values.
Making Value-Based Decisions
Once you've identified your values, it's time to start living by them. Here’s how:
1. Pause and Check In: When faced with a decision, ask yourself: "Am I making this choice because it aligns with my values, or because I’m afraid?" This simple question can be incredibly clarifying.
2. Start Small: You don’t have to make massive life changes overnight. Begin by making small, value-based choices each day—whether it’s speaking up in a meeting or setting aside time for creativity.
3. Create Value-Based Goals: Set goals that reflect your values rather than what you think you "should" be doing. For example, if growth is a value, a goal might be to learn a new skill rather than aiming for a promotion just because it’s expected.
4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who respect and encourage your values. Having a supportive community can make it easier to stay aligned.
5. Notice if you are treating yourself in line with your own values: For example, if you are good at being kind to others, but you find it hard to treat yourself kindly, perhaps there is room to improve your sense of kindness as a core value.
Overcoming Fear and Limiting Beliefs
Living by your values isn’t always easy. Fear and limiting beliefs can sneak in and try to pull you off track.
Limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained thoughts that hold you back. They often sound like:
"I’m not good enough."
"I can’t change."
"It’s too late for me."
These beliefs often operate on a subconscious level, which makes them tricky to overcome on your own. That’s where I can help.
How I Can Support You
As a Cognitive Hypnotherapist and specialist in trauma and chronic pain, I guide people in breaking free from the grip of unconscious unhelpful patterns, unnecessary fears and limiting beliefs. Together, we can uncover the root causes of these patterns and gently release them.
Through Hypnotherapy, Pain Neuroscience Education, and Health Coaching, I help you connect with your true values and live in alignment with them—free from the constraints of fear.
If you're ready to stop living small, create a healthy sense of safety, let go of fear and pain and start living authentically, I invite you to book a session with me. Let’s work together to create a life that genuinely reflects who you are.
Final Thoughts
Living by your values isn’t about being fearless—it’s about acknowledging fear and choosing to act from a place of authenticity anyway. When you lead with your values, you open up a world of possibilities, connection, and joy.
So, what do you value most? How can you bring those values to life today?
You can take that first step. Your future self will thank you for it.
